Monday, October 23, 2017
What do you do when you’ve done everything you possibly could have done to stave off defeat and yet see the destruction coming; or done your level best to be obedient and faithful to God and yet still find that things are not working out like all the songs and motivational speakers insists they will? And what happens when night after night you go to bed dreading the morning and all the frustrations and certain troubles you know you will have to face based upon what did not happen (that should have happened!) today?
I know that I am not the only one that suffers from these things described above, and yet as I through this I often feel that way. I was wired, conditioned, trained and educated to “succeed” and complete the tasks that I take on. My parents taught me to do a job well or don’t start it. No one that knows me could call me a “quitter” or one that turned back after the journey began. Something within me hates the idea of losing, failing, giving up, admitting defeat or “throwing in the towel”. But my ultimate question is simply this: Am I pleasing Him, right now, where I am, doing what I am doing, being what I am….again—right now….or have I somehow missed the mark and mistaken His call for something else?
My need, daily, is to be reminded and reassured that He is both pleased with me and that His hand is upon me regardless of the present circumstance or outward appearances of my life. Honestly, on days like today, I think that if people knew the pressure that was upon me and the innumerable issues that I must address tomorrow they might suggest that I simply, “curse God and die”.
I hope I don’t appear to be bragging about how difficult my life is! In fact I am blessed beyond most people that I know. But over the past three years I have felt like I “butter being spread a bit too thin over toast”. At the end of the day all that I am trying to do could fail and I might well be called the biggest idiot to ever enter into a Christian summer camping ministry; or all things might come together perfectly and I would be celebrated as man of vision, tenacity and prayer! Of course, both of these things might also happen! I might fail miserable (from the world’s perspective—-as did Amos in the Old Testament) and yet be found by God to have been faithful and loyal.
Right now I must endure the “quiet” of God, the nerve-wracking “wait” and the attacks of the enemy who continues to call me a failure and fool for thinking I could fulfill the vision and burden God placed upon me 35 years ago.
Friends, be sure of what He has called you or led you to do, and then burn your bridges and follow that dream. If there’s a way to retreat you’ll never reach the goal He has set before you. I am not totally there yet, and I have been beaten down more in the past 36 months than I have in my entire life, but I know in Whom I have believed and I do not believe that He has wasted any of my sleepless nights for nothing. Good things must surely be in store.